| Perfectionism can paralyse. | | | | fail to write a perfect first draft on purpose. In |
| Perfectionism can isolate. | | | | fact, you tell yourself that if you have to write 15 |
| Perfectionism can produce despair and even | | | | drafts that'll be all-right because you are not trying |
| depression. | | | | to write the finished product. Maybe just some |
| It is like a bitter-sweet poison: sweet because it | | | | basic ideas... |
| promises a false hope of 'happily ever after if I | | | | Then, once you've done that you look at it and |
| just...' and poison because it cannot deliver its | | | | decide you could make one bit of it a bit better |
| promise. It is a mirage leading you deeper into the | | | | (but you're still not trying to finish it) and then |
| desert of deception. And you just get thirstier as | | | | perhaps another bit. |
| you reach for the dream...which moves again as | | | | Although this isn't an eloquent way of doing things |
| you get closer. Its like you are a magnet and the | | | | do you see what is going on here. You are telling |
| dream is the same polarity - and you all know | | | | yourself that you are in control of making this |
| what happens when you put two magnets | | | | mess. You are creating your first hamburger cart! |
| together... | | | | Victor Frankl would have called this paradoxical |
| The belief that you need to be perfect or that | | | | intent. You get to be in control by trying to do |
| something needs to be perfect before you can | | | | badly the thing you want to do. This automatically |
| start it, finish it or deliver it can develop from | | | | puts you in control. Paradoxical intent allows you |
| many sources. It is sometimes a protective | | | | to sneak up on yourself until you can develop a |
| mechanism trying to ensure you don't get hurt. 'If | | | | better attitude. |
| I just get it perfect then no-one can criticise me, | | | | Put your hand together in front of you, palm to |
| hurt me, make me feel uncomfortable.' And often | | | | palm. ONe hand represents EITHER and other OR. |
| the source of it comes from an earlier life event | | | | Now pull them apart slowly and imagine images |
| that you may not even realise had that effect on | | | | appearing like cards between your hands. At one |
| you. | | | | of the cards is your muppet, stupid version of |
| Perfectionism exists as an either-or thinking | | | | your plan. At the other is a 'good enough' plan. |
| pattern. 'EITHER I get it right OR it's not good | | | | And you put as MANY cards in between as you |
| enough'. | | | | want to. |
| One possible solution (and it's not perfect!) is what | | | | The thing about perfectionism is that it tries to |
| I term 'degrees of refreshing'. Hey, it's my term | | | | make you're your own little god in your own |
| so I can call it what I want. | | | | world. But you can fight it because you are not |
| I'll explain in a moment but let me first | | | | God are you? Therefore, there are things you |
| acknowledge that I got the idea from Coach | | | | don't know, resources you don't have, people will |
| trainer, Dan Bradbury. He tells the story of an | | | | behave like people behave and the world is a |
| American Golf trainer who teaches people how to | | | | beautiful place that can be brutal. No, I'm not a |
| get their putts and shots wrong - ON PURPOSE - | | | | pessimist. |
| before they hit the 'correct' or 'good enough' shot. | | | | 1) Redefine the meaning of the word - who gave |
| So they have taken the sting out of 'failure' by | | | | it that definition? Don't be a wimp now. Yes, you |
| doing it deliberately in their own time. | | | | can. I'm sorry if you don't like it but tough. I am |
| Are ideas starting to stir in your own mind? | | | | speaking the truth in love here. |
| I also remember reading a anecdote told by a | | | | Questions |
| female millionaire about someone starting a fast | | | | You have to be perfect? Says who? |
| food empire with a rubbish beat up hamburger | | | | You must? According to who? |
| cart. She said something like: 'Muppets [people with | | | | You need to? And if you don't? |
| no willingness to work for their goals] spit on the | | | | Unless Moses dropped the 11th commandment |
| ugly little cart not understanding that unless you | | | | the 'thou shalt be perfect' bit got left off the |
| start with your rubbish beat up cart you may not | | | | tablet. There is no universal law stating you have |
| have the opportunity to earn enough money to | | | | to be perfect and all-knowing. |
| buy two carts, then a new one, then a stall, then | | | | It was YOU who decided you need to be perfect. |
| a franchise etc.' | | | | 'But my father told me....' Yes, but who is running |
| So, put these two ideas together and you get | | | | your brain now? |
| 'degrees of refreshing'. Say you have to write a | | | | Please, fight this attitude, really fight it. As Albert |
| business plan (something which I have avoided for | | | | Ellis, creator of REBT says you need to keep |
| a long time) what if you start by INTENDING to | | | | hacking away, it's not enough to dispute it with a |
| write a rubbish, could hardly use it, what a messy | | | | wussy, soft attitude. |
| joke kind of plan? | | | | You gotta dispute with attitude. Think Mr T and |
| One where you expect than anyone using it | | | | say to that perfectionistic attitude: 'Hey fool! You |
| (especially you) would find it almost useless. You | | | | in my crib. Geddout! |